Well as you see it’s been a long day, but not in a bad day.
You see, every time it rains at the end or beginning of the day you know that it’ll be a very long day, unless you stay inside all day. But no matter how long the day seems you can’t say you hate rain, you can’t.
It’s so peaceful to sit and watch out the window, and so calming to fall asleep to, like your own personal lullaby or something.
Yeah I like, even ,love sun sometimes because it’s warm and kosy and you just feel so lazy. I would say that sun is a happy thing, it makes you happy, makes you relaxe. And rain is kind of mysterious, even sad sometimes, it’s like when you’re feeling down or sad the sky cries for you when you can’t.
I’m a kind of person who don’t cry very often, like i just can’t let them out, like they’re stuck in there, or that I some how cried the last of my tears the last time. The closest i come to crying is tears in my eyes, that’s as far as I get.
Haha all I’ve done now is talk about the weather, so maybe i should start on something else, like uhm..
oh! I talked with my mum today, we just kept talking, and suddenly we were on about writing a book, and i told her that i had been thinking about writing a book about this, the depression etc. from start to end. And that the end comes when I’ve figured out everything, solved every problem, and worked my way through everything.
And i’ve figured out why it’s much easier to write than it is to talk about my problems; it’s because when I write I only talk to myself, like I go inside myself for the answers. And when i’m talking about it it seems like they can’t understand anything, and they want me to tell them what to do, but newsflash! I have just as little knowledge about this as you do, just because I have that sort of problem doesn’t mean i know how to get out of it, because if it were that easy i would’ve done it before it got so far. Talking about it with my mum makes me upset, irritated, because she don’t know what i mean, and only tells me things i don’t wanna hear, things that I already know.
Yeah I get it, even your parents don’t know everything about everything, but it would help a heck of a lot if they just knew a bit about it, that they could feel what I feel or have felt, that they might see this from my side. Yeah they try, but it’s not going anywhere, and i think it would be so much easier if i just could talk to someone who has dealed with my sort of problem and has gotten out of it.
But i don’t know, but i wish i did.
I wanna talk to someone about it, someone who gets me, someone who has felt the way i feel, but where shall I look for such a person?
I appriciate everything that people has done for me, i really do, and i don’t wanna sound ungrateful, but this is just how I feel. And i think that it would be so much easier for everyone if i talked to a professional about it, someone who has delt with this before, and can tell me what to do.
Just because you ask the right question, you might not always get the right answer.