Love, yep, that’s defiantly what I’m feeling. But I can’t say it’s a crush either because it’s stronger than that, but everything can change after November, maybe my feelings will be even stronger, or maybe we’ll just stay really close friends, but only time can tell what’s gonna happen.
Its two months and 6 days until he arrives, and I have a feeling that time will fly, and before I know it I’ll be standing there waiting for him.
Will I be quiet and shy? I strongly doubt it, I’ll probably talk his brains out the first five minutes, but that’s better than not saying anything at all right?
I have a lot of admirers as he calls them, and I don’t know if I like it or not, yeah sure it’s nice to be this well liked, but there’s always someone who ends up getting hurt, but I can’t control their hearts, because the heart wants what the heart wants. And I don’t like hurting people, and sometimes I let that in the way of my own happiness, but this time I won’t.
Life’s full of disappointment, but there’s no way around it, no way to avoid it, all you can do is accept the fact that it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to and slowly move on, but yet it’s easier said than done.
I like him a lot, he’s still the first thing I think of when I open my eyes, and the last thing that’s on my mind when I close my eyes to sleep at night. I care so much about him, and I don’t think he knows how much. He’s the one person I can tell everything too, and be the one to trust with my heart. He started out as a friend, and then moved on to be my best friend and now and he’s still my best friend, but yet so much more.
We talk every day, and it amazes me that we’ve managed to talk about everything and nothing for over a year, how did we know what to say? Good imagination? Good communication or just the ability to tell each other everything? Trust?
There’s no word to describe how I feel about him, and how much I care. I mean everything I say to him, I never lie, never tells him something just because he likes to hear it, it’s the truth or nothing. He deserves that much, and a heck of a lot more.
He’s one of the people in my life that I wouldn’t live without, couldn’t imagine my life without him.
There’s three boys in my life, it’s him, and my two little brothers, I would give my life for all of them if I had to, if it was necessary. I wouldn’t be me without them, and I care so much about them, and if they disappeared there would be a part of me missing.
Yeah I know I’m not that great at showing one of my brothers how much I love him, but I’m sure he knows. I’ll always be there for him, for them both. And for me family means everything.
This is a kind of confusing post, like all mixed up, but I needed to sort my feelings and thoughts out, even though I know what I feel about them, it just makes it more real writing about it, gives me an opportunity to answer my own questions with new ones.
That’s my way of dealing with problems and questions, just ask one question, and if you don’t get the right answer you can formulate your question in another way, look at it from a different angle.
This post is mostly about love and solving problems, and I have no idea why, it just turned out that way, but hey, it’s better than nothing right?
I’ve gotta write more often, it’s a huge part of my healing process, emotionally, to sort every thought out, answer every question as good as I can, because no one else is able to give me those answers, no matter how I ask, or who, I can never get a straight up answer, I just end up with questions that don’t really need an answer, but I’m curious by nature so I can’t help but looking for those answers as well.
There might be two post tomorrow (I’m writing 06.09.2010) so this will be posted tomorrow, or for you that reads this, today.
New week, new opportunities, new questions, and maybe some new answers.