A different angle?


When someone can make you smile, laugh and even cry of happiness you know you’re in love, deeply in love.

I miss him when I don’t talk to him, even if it’s just been a day since we last spoke, I can’t help but miss him. And I can’t wait for him to come and visit me in November, sixty days seems like a heck of a long time, but it will be worth waiting for, it is worth waiting for.

He’s still the first and last thing I think about before I go to sleep and wake up every morning, and to borrow some lyrics from a random song I don’t remember the name of, doesn’t he get tired from running through my head all day?

He was, and still is, my best friend for a year, then everything changed, we got feelings for each other, it was scary at first, but not so much anymore.

He’s still my best friend, I can talk to him about everything, whatever problems I may have, and he’s there to help me through. He’s always there for me, and I love him so much for it, he means the world to me. He’s there when no one else is.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully describe my feeling for him, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.

I fell for his personality, and I can say that 100% honest, and I didn’t realize how adorable and cute he was before after I’d fallen for him.

I don’t think no one saw this coming at all, or maybe they did, maybe we were just blind, or maybe it’s meant to be this way, but I can’t help but wonder about the future, what will happen? Where will I end up?

He has seen me on my worst, my best, and yet he’s still here. And I don’t think he’ll ever realize exactly how much it means to me to have him in my life, how lucky I am to have him.

I could start wonder what if I’d never met him? But I won’t I’m happy now, and that’s all that counts. We have to live in the moment, because that’s the only thing we’ve got.

Hold on to your memories, the good ones, and slowly work through the bad ones as you let them slip away, and put them in the trash. Life’s too short to be anything but happy.

I lost two years of my life being sad, and it isn’t worth it. I’m always scared that if I’m sad that I might just not get back up on my feet again.

I don’t wanna fall back in that black hole with no way out again, because then I don’t think I’ll survive it.  I never wanna feel so lost, so terrible again, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, and I wouldn’t want it for anyone.

It still seem to surprise me how little people know about depression and self harm, almost like it’s not allowed to talk about, so hush, hush.  And the worst part is that it’s way more common that people think, it’s just that it never gets discovered in time, it’s normally too late.

I was lucky, am lucky to have people around me that wants to help, but they just don’t know how, and I don’t even know how they can help me. They can never fully understand my situation or my feelings simply because they aren’t me, and they haven’t experienced the same as I have, they’re not inside my head.

But I guess by writing about it I give people a slightly idea about what it’s like, and what goes on inside my head.

Sometimes I wish I could meet someone who’s had the same problems as me, someone who could see that it isn’t as easy as it may seem to just stop harming yourself, you can’ just say stop or threaten someone just because you’re scared.

Self harming is like an addiction, you’ve done it once, and it helped, and then you’ll have the urge to do it again and again and again, the urge will never let go, unless you find a way to get rid of it.

My way to get rid of it is to laugh, to forget, but it isn’t always that helps, or that I manage to make myself laugh, or that others do.

I just right now realized that I’ve had the answer to my own question all along. I wondered why I’m always that hyper after I’ve harmed myself, and here’s the answer: I become hyper because I don’t feel that pain, or pressure inside me at that moment, so I think the hyper feeling just is happiness, my body’s reaction from sudden change of emotion, from depressed to happy in a blink of an eye.

So I guess that sometimes you won’t always have the answer to everything, but that doesn’t mean that the answer isn’t hidden inside you, all you’ve gotta do is find the answer that suits your question, that answers every angle of the question.

So thinking isn’t really that bad, it’s pretty useful.

Remember, if you have a problem, talk to someone else about it, it could just be easier if you saw a different angle of your problem, because sometimes you may be in too deep to see the solution to the problem all by yourself.

Asking for help is the easy part, finding the right words to explain what you need help with is what’s difficult.

No matter how dark it may seem, there’ll always be a light in the tunnel to guide you through, that light’s called hope.

xx

ShadowLicious

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