Sleepless nights

Don’t you just hate when you lay awake at night trying to sleep and your head just won’t seem to shut up and stop worrying?

It goes on and on about things that could be the reason to why you’re worried and you turns out to be even more worried and confused than you were to begin with. So sometimes I wish there was an off button to my head, or at least a mute button so I could get some sleep.

But after a few hours even your head’s exhausted, and you just fall asleep.

I often lay awake at night if I miss someone, or if something have happened, or a person has acted strange, like they weren’t themselves.  I just can’t seem to let things go, because I notice a lot, I notice things people don’t even look at or notice at all, so yeah I remember details.

But anyhow, I received a text from my dad this morning, the first one in god knows how long, the first sign of contact in a long time, and it makes me angry for him to think that just because he sent me a text everything will be okay? I haven’t heard a word from him in probably a month, and he haven’t done what he said he was gonna do, and I know he’s not perfect, but he could at least try to do something he said he would.

One text every few months isn’t enough for me and my dad to build a relationship, I’ve tried to make an effort, but what’s the point when I’m the only one trying?

I’m glad I have a dad, it’s just that sometimes it feels like I don’t have one, my step father and I are closer than what I can say about me and my dad.

I know that we won’t have a relationship like other fathers and daughters, but it would help if he at least showed that he was trying, showing that he wants this to work, that he’s interested in making an effort for me to stay in his life.

I’ve done all I can, but what difference does it make when I’m the only one trying?

Sometimes I just wish I knew what was going on inside his head.




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