Everyhting comes crashing down.

I’m starting to wonder if people really are as old fashioned as they used to be, like when it came to talking and opinions, the man always had the last word to say about something, that was just the way it was, or still is?

Well if you haven’t noticed, I’m the opposite, if I have an opinion, you’ll know it, but there are loads of people out there who don’t appreciate my opinions. I’m never rude, or mean when I tell people what I feel and think about stuff, but for some reason they all seem not to happy about it, or maybe it’s just me that’s the problem?

I can honestly say that it’s not until recently that I’ve been able to stand up for myself, and never back down from what I know is right. I’ve actually always done it, but not in the same way, but I can tell from several people in my life, even in my family that they don’t appreciate it at all.

I’m myself, and I’m proud of who I am, but  the more I become myself, the more someone tries to fight it, pushes me away, they just won’t accept it. And all I can do is wonder, why?

I’m never mean to anyone, I try to be nice to everybody, I’m there when people need me, so why, why push me away? Or maybe I’m the one pushing them away?

I had an argument with one in my family today about his attitude and talking behind someone else’s back, I told him that I was sick of it, and if he had those opinions he could just keep them to himself. I don’t see why people talk behind each other’s backs, I just don’t get it, and if it’s so important to have it said, then why don’t you just go to the person it’s about and speaks up your mind?

Well as I said we argued, and he kicked me out and drove off, 2nd time I’ve been thrown out because of an argument.

Later I get a call saying that I just have to give him a hug and it will all just pass over, and that I just have to give in so I won’t cause problems there too because it affects her as well.

And it turns out that even if she didn’t say it like that I knew what she meant, they’ve been lying to me, telling me that the incident with my dad wasn’t my fault at all, but apparently she thinks it was. I don’t know what to believe anymore, I don’t know what to think.

I know I’m not alone, but the people around me seem to be decreasing every minute, and I’m starting to wonder, am I really a good person? Because all I seem to be doing is pushing people away.

I’m scared of losing everyone, scared of pushing them too far away even though all I do is trying to pull them closer.

I’m just sad and confused, and most of all I’m scared.

I just don’t know what to do, and I probably didn’t make any sense at all right now, but then again you’ll get a “picture” of what the inside of my head looks like right now.

When I’m pushing you away, I’m really saying; hold me closer.

I’m just scared of losing everything and everyone.




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