My down times comes almost on a daily basis, especially when I’ve got too much time on my hands, it gives my head so much extra free time and so much easier to turn everything around.
It makes the bad mood come without me noticing, not before it’s too late, before I can do anything to stop it, the only thing I can do is get myself through it.
But I can’t complain, this time it’s not so bad, yet, and all I can hope is that it passes not getting any worse than this. It’s true that it gets worse before it gets better, but I hope that it won’t, I hope it only gets better without getting worse.
My head’s blurry, my hands are cold and I feel slightly confused and all of sudden I’m very tired, but I don’t know, it’s not like it’s new to me, because it’s not.
I write here so that it could be easier for me to talk about it, to be more open if people ask, but getting what I wrote slammed in my face made it worse, made me think that if it can happen once, it can happen twice, or maybe even three times or more.
It’s dangerous to open up to someone you didn’t even trust in the first place, but then again it’s easier to open up to someone you trust, maybe even trust with your life.
I just wish I could put everything behind me, and start on empty pages in a brand new book, but I don’t know how, because no matter how much I try to move on, my past and problems, even feelings seems to catch up with me, making sure I can’t move on, not at least before I’ve dealt with them, if I only knew how.
Another thing has come to my mind, maybe I’m the one causing all the drama because I let people know that I’ve had enough of them and their bullshit, their betrayal, and not accepting me for who I am?
I hate drama for very simple reasons, it causes so much attention straight towards me, so I just try to avoid it the best way I can by not saying anything, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it.
Right now I would give anything just to hide away in someone’s arms, and telling me that It will be okay, convincing me when I have doubts, that it will, promising me.
I wanna hide away somewhere where nothing can hurt me and sadness can’t reach me, somewhere safe, where I’ll feel safe.
I wish I could just turn off my head when it came to this, and when I turned it on it would’ve been over, but sadly it’s not like that, but you can’t blame a girl for hoping, right?
Never give up on hope, no matter how small it may seem.