Well last night my mum and step dad told me they knew about my harming, that I had done it again. Luckily they think that it was the first time in ages, if they only knew.

They tried to make me explain, but I couldn’t. They were too fixated trying to figure out what made me sad enough to do it, but when I tried to tell them I wasn’t sad, they wouldn’t listen.

I tried to explain what I meant, but they didn’t understand, they didn’t get it, so I just gave up. I can’t talk to them about it, they demand to get some answers from me that I don’t have, and if I did, I wouldn’t still be doing this.

Talking about it to them is difficult, it’s like they’ve decided not to understand what I say, and make their own story about it. I just get so frustrated, like if they really want to try to understand, hear me out! Listen to what I have to say, TRY to understand, TRY to see it from my perspective even though they can’t because they aren’t me.

There’s only one person in my whole life who listens to me, who hears me out, who doesn’t try to figure everything out or demands answers from me that he knows I don’t have.

He’s been with me almost from the very beginning, he knows everything about me, how I feel, because he lets me explain it, and he doesn’t ask so many god damn complicated questions.

It’s so much easier to talk to him about it than to my parents.

I tried to tell them yesterday that when I harm myself, I remove unwanted feelings, I deal with them that way, and I know it’s the wrong way to do it, but that’s how I handle things.  I told her that, but she wouldn’t listen, she wouldn’t understand.

I just don’t know what to do or what to say, because in everyone else’s ears it just sounds wrong, so complicated, but it’s not. if you really listen you’ll see that it really isn’t that complicated.

Open your ears, LISTEN!

This is me




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