I’ve been having a rather lousy day today, a bad day you could say.
Annoyed by everything and everyone, yet somehow I managed to keep myself from yelling at everyone.
I had my second session with Monica today (My therapist), and it wasn’t as scary this time, like I knew what I was going to, and the first time I didn’t. And to be honest, her eyes aren’t as scary as they appeared before, this time they were more worried and studying, trying to figure me out.
I told her about what I had been doing lately to myself (harming), and for some reason I felt like I could tell her anything because she were really listening. I also told her about how my parents took it, confronted me with it, and how they weren’t really listening.
I can honestly say that I like her better than my last one, she takes time to ask questions, to hear me out, listen and ask questions after. I were pretty critical about the last session, but now I think it might work, that I will get through this with help from her, and maybe understand it more. But I’m afraid to get my hopes up, and still I can’t help but thinking, what if it doesn’t help, what if I don’t get through it, then what?
I know it’s wrong to think that way, but can you blame me? Doubt is what makes people human.
I told her that I wasn’t sad when I did what I did, that I had so many emotions inside me at once that I couldn’t handle, that I gave in to the voice inside my head that convinced me to give in, take the easy way out.
For some reason I’m not ashamed of it any more, but I’m not proud either. I can’t walk around and show everyone my scars, it will freak them out, and I wouldn’t feel to comfortable about it either.
“If you’re not lost, I guess that makes you found” – Newton Faulkner ~ Lullaby
If I could have the feeling I’m having now, every day for the rest of my life I would be happy. I feel like everything might work out, you could say I have my hope back ( :
I’m trying to hold on to this feeling as long as I can, and hope that it stays.
Smile to the world, and it will smile back at you.
3 days! ❤
This is me