Imagine that, I’m finally 16 years old. Weird to think about really, because I can still remember times when I was 5. The time has gone so fast. Just think about that my youngest brother was born six years ago, and I still remember when he was about one month old and he fell asleeo in my arms. So I can’t keep myself from wondering, where did all the years go?
When I was younger, 2 -10 years old, I liked my birthday, all the gifts, the attention, and the cake. But I don’t know anymore, I kind of don’t see the point, all I can do is smile and say thanks. And the gifts, I feel like I don’t deserve them, I don’t know why, but I do.
He arrived on Thursday night, and the first thing I thought when I saw him was ” Woah he’s here”, my heart skipped a beat.
It has been a great weekend so far, the best in ages, and my feelings are getting stronger day by day.
The weirdest thing is that when I get overwhelmed by my own feelings, I get that pain inside, like it’s reminding me of that it’s too much for me to handle, and I get the urge to harm myself again and again until that pain is completely gone. But whenever I feel like that, he holds me closer, maybe he doesn’t even think about it, I don’t know, but it helps a little.
And last night he promised me that everything was going to be okay, he promised me it, and I can honestly say that I was struggling to keep my tears away, but I managed it, and it was wiped off my face before he noticed. Just like the time he told me he loved me for the first time while he was here, but then again he couldn’t see my face. He has no Idea about what he does to me, how happy he makes me.
But I’m thinking that there must be another way for me to deal with my emotions when it gets too much, right?
What I usually do isn’t healthy, or good for me, or the ones I care about. I have to find a way.
Anyhow, He’s asleep now, so I’m going up to wake him up.
Have a great weekend!
This is me