Indescribable




He left yesterday, and it was the end of probably the best weekend since, erm.. I don’t know, since ever?

The one thing I can’t get out of my head that he said at the airport before he left was “I have strength enough for the both of us.” I don’t know why, but that sentence really got stuck inside my head.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express just how much I really do love him, because there aren’t really words for it.

He’s funny, smart, honest, and so much more, everything I ever could wish for. He took my heart with him when he left, but it did already belong to him, all of it.

Never have I felt this strong about someone, a feeling so strong that it puts the doubting voice inside my head to silence, and if I ever had any more doubt left in me about this feeling, it’s completely gone.

Every time I close my eyes, I see him, his smile, eyes, face, and at that moment he really doesn’t feel that far away. All he has to do is put his arms around me, and I’ll be happy, happier than I have ever been.

His eyes have an unusual colour, like the iris is black, which is completely normal, but the colour of his eyes are like brown, green and gray mixed together to one colour, and there’s a circle around it which is dark brown.

Maybe there are loads of people with eyes like that, but I haven’t seen anything like it.

I can sit and look into them for hours, and if it was somebody else, I would look away, look down at my feet as I usually do, but not with him, it doesn’t feel awkward at all.  When I look into his eyes I feel completely calm. The words that I would use to describe what I see inside his eyes are; calm, loyal, loving, honest and kind.

And before you ask, yes I study people’s eyes, and I believe that if you really look into somebody’s eyes, you’ll learn something about them, the person, and then it’s easier to figure out if they’re telling the truth or not when they say “I’m fine.”

Ever felt like your brain is being drugged, like it empties your head, pushes all the thoughts away, and leaves you feeling dizzy and kind of lost, but with a sort of bubbly happy feeling? Well that’s how I feel every time his lips meet mine, and I’ve been close to tripping in my own feet a few times.

He’s like my own special drug, and he is highly addictive.

It’s sort of odd to describe your own, err, I don’t know what he is yet, because I don’t know if we’re together or not, none of us has asked, and people say that if you love somebody, and he or she loves you back, then you’re together, but I honestly don’t know what he wants us to be yet. We haven’t really talked about what we are or not.

Anyway, that was the best description I could come up with to describe it^^

I miss him so much, even though he left only yesterday, it didn’t even go five minutes before I started missing him.

I love you.

This is me

InsideOut

xx

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