”Face your fears, accept your war, it is what it is.” – Regine Stokke
I’ve let my fears control my life, let things go because I was afraid, and the truth is that I still am.
Humans are designed to have feelings, doubt, fear, love, happiness, jealousy, anger, regret. Yet no one has taught us how to deal with all of them, taught us which are which.
There are so many feelings inside one human, one human being, and we are expected to deal with all of them? What if you can’t deal with them? Then what?
The feelings I can deal with are happiness and pain, they’re the complete opposites but in my life they walk hand in hand. You can’t have happiness without a little pain.
You’ve probably discovered that when I write I debate with myself, I sort of talk myself into things without even noticing, like I reflect the good and the bad sides about someone, and try to turn the bad things into positive things.
Like if we’d always been happy, we wouldn’t have been able to appreciate it, because that was the only feeling we knew. We would just take for granted the feeling, the smiles.
So I guess you need all the bad feelings too, to appreciate the good ones, to really feel good, maybe even great about yourself.
When I’m alone, I’m scared, not because it’s scary to be alone, but because it’s harder to fight myself and to concentrate on other things when I’m alone. I’m so scared that I will do something I’ll regret, that the sadness strikes me so hard that I can’t get up, that I can’t resist. I’m scared of myself, my own mind, thoughts, and feelings.
I’ve been great lately, almost no sadness, but when the weekends come, and I’m alone at home, it all falls to pieces and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
I usually go to sleep not long after my parents goes out, but I can’t keep doing that, I can’t keep running from my fears, because nothing good can come from it.
Facing your fears, that’s what it’s all about they say, I say, but how on earth can I face this fear alone? I have no idea about how to deal with it, how can I face myself and my feelings when that’s my fear? The fright of not being able to handle feelings, emotions.
Another thing I’ve discovered is that I’ve kept telling myself that I can’t explain things, that it always comes out wrong and causes a misunderstanding, that they won’t understand.
And I’ve kept telling this to myself over and over until it became the truth, and I became shit at explaining because I didn’t believe in myself enough. All I can do now is to put another not up in the mirror and try to make myself believe again, to erase the damage.
And for all you out there that don’t believe in yourself, take up a note and a pen, and put the note up where you always look, write for example “ I believe in myself, or I’m a good person” whatever you want to believe in, repeat it to yourself a few times a day. You will feel stupid doing it, but I can assure you that it does work, and that it will.
I’ve been doing it without even knowing it; I’ve told myself that I look good, and what happened? I go comfortable in my own skin; I gave myself a compliment, and didn’t feel bad about it. Give it a try.
Believe in yourself, and help others to do so. Step by step.
Face your fears.
This is me