I was in a pretty bad place yesterday, and if I worried anyone, I apologize for that.
I actually considered taking my previous post down, simply because I felt/feel ashamed of how I was. But I can’t say that I didn’t mean what I wrote, because I do.
I just have those times where I get so stuck in a feeling that I cannot get out of it before it has reached its limit and started to slowly fade away. When I’m like that, nothing can reach out to me, no matter how much sense it may make, if my feelings tell me something else, no matter how twisted, I’m forced to believe that, because that is what feels right to me.
Ever since I started talking about it, my mum has told me that my self destructive side is not me, so I started to believe that I had one good part and one bad. In the beginning I had three, one positive and sensible, on negative and destructive, and then me. Crazy huh?
Yeah that mind set or what to call it has really messed things up for me. I get so easily confused because my feelings and thoughts just does not match at all, and for a while now, my thoughts and sense are controlled by my emotions. It’s like I don’t control any of it.
I trust my feelings more than anything, but I haven’t figured out if that’s a good thing yet.
At the time I’m so confused and torn about everything really.