Summer days


( Written on my iPhone)
I havent written in ages, so I figured that I’d write a little just to let you all know that I’m still alive and doing pretty okay (:

For almost three months ago I started using Zoloft for to treat my depression and anxiety, and as far as I can tell they are working pretty well for me.

Ages ago, as many of you know, I was put on fluxotine for about six months with NO effect what so ever, so I was pretty desperate you could say.

With this medication I actually had an positive effect the second or third day, which for me is pretty amazing.
And knowing me, I just brushed it off for the reason that I just had a good period of time, so I guess you could say that I was pretty sceptical, because of how my mum and step dad’s acting when there’s talk about medication of any sort.

So after I quit fluxotine, I went a long time with no medication at all, even though I was offered to start on my current one, but I was too insecure and had so much pressure from my mum and such, so I decided not to take up on the offer. But a while later my problems got worse, suicidal thoughts and a very unstable mood and such, I got the offer again, and after a lot of discussion I found out that trying out Zoloft was the best option for me, and I don’t regret it, well not much anyway.

You see, when I’m on Zoloft I feel like I don’t have any problems, mostly.

And surely that would be a good thing, right? Yeah, I wish, but the thing is that if I feel like I dont have any issues, what do I talk about with my therapist about then? I dont want to quit having weekly sessions with her, I dont feel close to ready enough for that at all.

So I somewhat want my issues back so I can work on them, and get rid of them instead of just using the medication and just going on with my life not solving them, and then when I quit using them, it will all come back? Then I’ll be back to where I started, wont I?

You could say that I am a little lost on that matter. Sure I get a break from most of my issues, but for what good? I wont get a chance to work on them if I dont feel like I have them anymore, even though I know better.

I probably should ask my therapist about this on wednesday.

Do any of you have any opinions or something to say on this matter? I’m all ears.

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2 thoughts on “Summer days

  1. Definitely sounds like a good conversation for the therapist. I think it’s great that you are feeling better at least. I’m going to be doing ECT and am worried about losing memories and such and running into similar problems.
    Pretty photo by the way. (Do you know the photo group Broken Light Collective- brokenlightcollective.wordpress.com ?)
    Good luck.

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