I miss my dad, and it hurts, its confusing, its everything.
I really cannot afford missing him!
It only brings pain and disappointment if I give in to my feelings.
Me and my dad have never ever had what you call a “normal” father-daughter relationship. Not ever. There’s always been feelings of fear and disappointment from as far back as I can ever remember.
And I know that as long as he’s together with his girlfriend, or whatever it is, I cannot afford contacting him, no matter how much I’d like to do that.
Everyone tells me that since I’m now eighteen, I can do it on my terms. But what they dont understand is that its just not that simple. When I’ve been in contact with him before, ive always been a tad weary(if thats the right way to spell it.) But I always got my hopes up, yet they always, always came crashing down. I got disappointment and pain.
And I’ve realized that there’s no room for me in his life, and I’m sure he’s realized that as well.
His girlfriend cannot stand me, and those feelings are mutual from my side as well.
I even gave him a chance about a month ago. He randomly dropped by my granparents house whilst I was there, and naturally they asked me wither it was okay that they let him in, and I didnt really mind. And before he left, I asked wither he could come back after he had drove his girlfriend and her son back home, since they were apparently down with the flu. But she was not, that was all a lie! I saw her from the window, and when she spotted me, she rushed back into the car. Message received.
Anyhow, I asked if he could come back after dropping them off, I reached out, but got rejection slammed in my face. He couldnt, jsut couldn’t, even though he had no other plans but to get home.
I have no need, nor do I want to clear the air between me and her. She’s just one of those few people you meet that you just dont like. I actually never have, but I tried to like her, in the past. But when you dont like someone, you just don’t. And I do not want to change it to be completely honest.
Everyone, including me, suspects that she’s the one in charge over there, making it so that me and my dad cannot have a relationship at all.
But who knows.