These last couple of days my anxiety has been, and still is sky high. And to be honest, I have no idea why.
It goes down a little every time I go upstairs to be by myself, but every damn time I go downstairs into the living room, where my family usually is, my anxiety rockets through the roof, making it almost unbearable to be down there.
So for the last couple of days, I’ve been going downstairs and upstairs, and downstairs and upstairs. I just cant stay down there for too long. Its really difficult.
Am I getting worse, or is there an underlying problem that I just havent spotted yet?
I sleep as much as I can, and during the day, when I’m not at work, I keep myself busy with watching anime. It helps to take my mind off of things, and calms me down to a certain degree.
I’m sick of things being like this.
I even tried to convince myself to go for a walk, but again, my anxiety is making me dread it, and draining me both physically and mentally. Whats wrong with me these days?
Another thing that has been bothering me for quite some time is that my better half, he doesnt know what to say that has not already been said. He’s sick of repeating himself, and has given up trying to help me completely. I know he cares, but the way he says things makes me feel like he doesnt.
I understand it, but I cant say I like it. it makes me feel so alone, and like he’s given up on me.
When I try to tell him whats going on with me, he just gets annoyed and does not really know what to say. I just wish that he could show me that he hasnt given up on me.
We’ve been through this for years, and Ive made progress, slowly, but still progress. And I think that the reason he’s given up is because I wasnt making progress fast enough, or that he felt as if he wasnt making a big enough difference in my life. I wasnt making progress as much as he wanted me to.
ugh.. There it comes again, that wave that washes away every word that I was supposed to write. It empties my head, and leaves it completely blank, with me utterly confused and frustrated.
I just wish I knew how to deal with all of this.