Im in England, been there since thursday last week, and its been confusing and good at the same time. I’ve been insecure and scared, yet still felt loved and safe.
My main reason to come here was to sort my relationship out, should i stay or should i go? I’ve come to a decision to stay, it would hurt so much more to leave him, than to stay.
The only time i have the courage to speak about what’s troubling me about our relationship is when I’ve had a bit to drink (I’m a light weight when it comes to alcohol), and a few days ago, I did just that, and it helped, but I didn’t say everything, so yesterday I worked up my courage, along with a tad to drink, and told him what was bothering me, which was,( read: is) bothering me, how he never told me he loved me anymore, I was(am) the one who always says it first, and the same issue when it comes to me saying that I Miss him. And he just said ‘I Love you’ just like that, like it was nothing, like he didn’t even mean it. So I’m left even more insecure, and I still do not want to leave his side, I’m too In Love with him, too dependent.
I need reassurance once in a while (read: every day) that he still loves and misses me, just as much as I do when it comes to him. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else, it’s completely impossible.
I don’t want to leave England, and him. I want to live here with him.
And my insecurities tell me that I’m scared, how can I be able to do that? I’ll fail, it’ll never work.
But I want it to, but do not know how.
Confused, desperate, reluctant to leave? Oh yes.