Putting the brave face on.

Yup, i’m a girl with a shattered heart, but I dont show it.
I put on my brave face, and pretends that i dont really care, and everyone believes it.
But the thing is, i’m not okay, im far from okay.
Its not just because I got my heart broken, its also because I lost the person wo had been there for me through it all, the person I depended on, the one who made me hold onto him for dear life, because that’s what he was, my life line. My reason to keep fighting. The only person who really mattered.

Sure, i’ve been in a bad place for quite some time now, but the way he ended things with me, well, it pusher me over the edge.
All im left with now is urges to hurt myself, and suicidal thoughts, and plans.
Im scared to say the least.

At first I wanted help because I didnt want to die, but that has changed now.
Sure I still want help, but I’m back where I was, not caring if I die.

So I guess i learnt the hard way that you should never trust anyone completely, and never depend on anyone always being there. Because you’ll just end up getting fucked over.

I’m tired of everything right now, and I wouldnt mind just fading away from excistence right now. I’m fed up.

I just have so much I need and want to get off my chest, but no one to really talk to about things like that.

I’m back to just bottling things up again. I dont know what else to do.

This is not a cry for help, because I dont need it.

I wont let anyone help me anymore. It only makes me depend on them being there. But thats just a big fat lie. Everyone leaves, no matter how many times they tell you that they wont. They always fucking do.


One thought on “Putting the brave face on.

  1. I am you. I lost my best friend last year – my lifeline – he was everything to me. And he died. Unexpectedly 51 years old. Then I lost my boyfriend – the one who said he would always be there and I could trust him and feel safe – he left. Just left. I spent most of 2012 in the darkest place I have ever been and I hit rock bottom in January. I can honestly say that if I did not have my children and my dog, I would not be here. I still have bad days and I am no where near wanting to trust anyone anytime soon. What has helped me is my writing and my friends on WP- wonderful souls I have met that have made me feel like I was not alone or a complete wreck. Writing helps. Alot. I just wrote about the guy who up and left yesterday. I am no where near over him. We – I am here if you need to chat. xx

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