Everything And Nothing At All.


My head’s spinning, been feeling the need to write all day, but my head just hasn’t been in the right place. Like it never is.

I want to write, I need to write, but my mind is too confusing and blurry for me to even try to put it into words. It’s just impossible. At least it seems that way.

I’m starting to feel more and more distant, like I’m disconnected from myself, and maybe even the world(?)

Always tired and restless. My mind going on and on and on and on about every little thing that pops into my head. A text, something someone said, a song. You name it.

Oh and by the way, they say I may be Shizotypal. Whatever that means. Anxiety disorder some say. But honestly, I have no clue what’s what anymore. 

I’m confused, then I’m depressed, wanting to self injure myself, wanting to die (nothing new), then I’m okay, numb. 

I can’t even make much sense out of what I’m writing right now. I’m trying to focus, getting my mind focused on just writing. A mindless ramble I guess you could call it. 

But everything just keeps slipping away from me, the things I’d like to talk about, whilst the too personal stuff is just too personal. I haven’t had time to process any of it really. Well I have, but not nearly enough. 

I’m so confused, and my head keeps spinning. A part of a song, then a memory, then half of a thought. That’s how it is right this second. I’m trying my hardest to not let my thoughts slip away, to just focus on the words, but it’s really difficult, and it sure does not help with the fact that I’m tired and it’s almost two AM. 

So sick of all this.

I’m just rambling about everything, and nothing at all. 

I’ve been escaping to the world of fiction a lot lately, books and anime seems to be the only things that can distract me enough to be able to focus properly. Those two things are my escape, my coping mechanism. 

I start one paragraph, then I have no idea what the hell to say next, because I’m not even sure what I’m on about.

It’s all just a blur, all jumbled together in a tornado of things, and I’m only able to get fragments or key words of my thoughts before they vanish yet again. Sometimes they come back, and more often than not, they vanish, never to be heard from again. At least in my conscious mind. 

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Do I need to say more?

Surely this post must’ve left you about as confused as I feel.

If not, good for you. And not so good for me, because that means that I’ve lost my touch, or something like that.

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