First they want something, then they don’t, simply because something is spicy! Jesus Fucking CHRIST!
I’m not allowed to eat. They’re pressing on my stubbornness. I’m hungry, but they won’t let me eat. So fucking fed up!
What am I supposed to do about this? Eat they say. Don’t eat they say. All for the sake of attention. His attention. Which they’re not getting. Why? Simply because he doesn’t understand. This is their, and partly also my, cry for help. The only way they know of is by trying to get his attention, good and or bad.
I hate it so fucking much. My life shouldn’t depend on him. What I can and cannot do should not depend on him.
Their definition of other people caring is to get as much attention as possible. They want me to hurt, because then people will notice, and then care. Even though they’d prefer me ending up at the hospital with some kind of physical injury, because then people would care even more.
I’m just so tired of everything. It’s all just too much. I want out, but I want in. What do I actually want?
Oh, and another thing I realized yesterday, I don’t have any friends, none which I can talk to properly anyways. My family only cares when they want something.
I don’t even know what’s going on any more. I’m just done.
All I’m hearing is just overwhelming desperation from them ” We did something bad, why does he not give us attention, WHY DOESN’T HE CARE?!?!”
I’m just numb, don’t know what to think or feel any more. I want out.
I’m hungry but not allowed to eat.
I just want this to be over. Please.