(Almost) December blues


It’s been quite a while since anything has been posted here, and right now, today, I felt the need to change that. I need to put my thoughts into words, sort things out, once more.

It’s almost eight months since we moved out; me and my little family. My fiancé, me and my son, who’s almost 1 1/2 years old.

It’s been hard, moving out I mean, a shit load of ups and downs. But we made it through.

I really don’t like this time of year, it reminds me of what I don’t have (Or should I say who?), what I never really had, and most likely will never have.  A proper loving family.

Christmas time is supposed to be about just that, family & loved ones.
And I hate that, so much. It’s as painful as it’s depressing. It really pulls me down.

And here I thought I was doing so well.

My anxiety diagnosis has been removed, my depression has been put in remission, and I’m almost psychosis symptom free.  And that’s a good thing, right?

But what I’m left with is this, what’s normal? Is what I’m feeling “normal”? Is this something someone else in this situation would feel?
I’ve never been in this place mentally before, don’t know what to expect.
Sure it’s a lot easier being alive, not so painful. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not tough.

I can’t really gather my thoughts lately, everything’s a mess up there. But I guess that’s understandable, considering the predicament this season has brought me yet again(?)

So I’m just going to leave it like this, for now.

 

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